Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
