Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
