Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
