Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
