just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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