Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Are we still banned from the library?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
