she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
