there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
