True but thats because hes a fetus.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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