Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
