Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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