Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize