ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
