I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
