And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
