So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
