Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Omg I joined a choir last night...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
