Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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