i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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