Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Randomize
