I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
