don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize