K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My bed smells like the plague
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