why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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