Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
