Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
