There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
