Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize