she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
