I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
