whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
