Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
