Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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