I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
