is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
