my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
