my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
