you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
tell me about the fingering
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