You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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