he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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