You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
