11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
