Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
