the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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