I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
