i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
