Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
