Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
