dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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