He asked to "fluff my boner.."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
we're making bets on your personal life
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
