I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
