Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize