the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
