It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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