remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
why is half of my head shaved?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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