So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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