FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
