dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize