yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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