I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
