why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Never underestimate the power of titties
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
