oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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