ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
