no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip ššš
Your skills amaze me
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being āgoodā and 10 being ābanging a studentās fatherā, how bad is it that Iām banging a studentās father?
Randomize
