Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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