when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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