Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
