i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's never too late to be topless.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
