I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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