why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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