i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize