hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i think my cat just said my name.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
