just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My feet surprised me
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