Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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