is your mom at the bar?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
