oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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