All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
