I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
