I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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