her vagine was all disorganized.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Be still, my beating vagina.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
