I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
