She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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