My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
