doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize