I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
