Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
