I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
