We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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