he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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