Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize