Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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