If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
