dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
