conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
